Ralph Waldo Emerson

The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Throwing down the gauntlet.

Alright, kids, 2 weeks in and the Honeymoon period is over. We're talking The Real World: Tekapo, only with slightly less attractive people. Though I can't write up every crazy thing I've heard and experienced in this town (yet), I can fill you in on my own two personal battles.

The first is with a freaking magpie.

Alright, so that may not seem particularly juicy, but honestly this little thing has it out for me. Every time I go for a hike the nasty rat with wings decides to dive bomb me. I had never before experienced the fury of a magpie, let alone a Kiwi one, so didn't know that it's perfectly normal for them to come screaching down like a fury sent from the heavens and attempt to penetrate your skull with their sharp little beak. Didn't get the memo. So as I'm ambling along on my walk the other day, all hell broke loose. The avian kamikaze comes screaming down on me and so of course my reaction is to scream right back...and flail my arms...and yell curse words at it. I really hope no children were nearby because as this thing made repeated attempts on my life, I yelled out some words that may or may not be more common in the sailor vernacular. The best part was that I had put my rain jacket on over my bag, so when I tried to whip out the purse to use as a flail I ended up just yanking my jacket over my eyes and running blind down the path. Oh god I hope I was alone.

Anyhow, long story short I returned with an improvised shiv (though there isn't really any other kind I suppose) and a fist full of rocks. The little blighter didn't make a return appearance, it knew I meant business. I'm about to set out on my next hike and believe you me, el pavo is going down.

Ah, speaking of Spanish. So the roommate that I hadn't yet spoken to a few posts ago has yet to utter more than 3 connected words to me. At first I thought the poor thing was shy, now I realize she loathes me. Yup. I got a magpie and an Argentinian on my closest enemies list.

I started testing the waters with simple things like: "Hey, do you know where the phone is?" Her response: "Yes" and exit. Ah, good, good to know. I thought it was weird, but again, thought she just wasn't much of a chatter box or was perhaps comotose...that is until I saw her working her magic at lunch the following day. You'd think the girl was doing a stand up act as she chattered away with my fellow coworkers. Then, at home, she and Ness nearly tore apart the Woman's Weekly magazine as they discussed Angelina's scrawny ass.

Alright, tactic 2: confrontation. "Did I do something to offend you? Why won't you talk to me?" Silence. "If we're going to live together, you have to at least be polite to me." Not even an eyebrow. Oooh, she was cold. But doesn't know who she's dealing with.

So now when I return home she gets to hear all about my day. As she sits silently, avoiding eye contact, I fill her in on how I'm doing, how work was. If she's chatting online with her Australian boyfriend (who I found out about through the town informant aka Ness), I empathize with her about how hard it is to be away from people you care about. It's like having one of those voice recorder diaries, I'm totally loving it. I even use a bit of my Spanish on her now and then for kicks. It's better than therapy and cheaper too, I tell you what. Perhaps it also helps that I feel that if it came down to it, I definitely could take her in a brawl. I mean sure she has the height factor, but I'm a bit scrappier. Plus I've been getting good training with the magpie.

Anyway, so that's some of the excitement here. If you think of any other good tactics for magpies or Argentinians please let me know.

1 comment:

Mom said...

You go girl! You are awesome! You didn't grow up with two older brothers and learn nothin', not to mention Marissa and a troop of boy scouts. Throw in a little PMS and I'm bettin' on you, Sparky.